3 thoughts....

So far, in thinking about may last posting's comments, I can think about three things that I may want to talk about on my blog....

1 - A friend took a class recently on how to 'recover' her inner creativity...I oddly have the same book that the class was structured around (good ol' Mom got it for me years ago) and so I started taking a look at it today. I am leafing through it, not necessarily doing all of the 'activities' and mental checklists that it asks me to, etc...but it makes some interesting points about us as creative individuals.... Am I truly letting my creativity come through? Am I allowing day to day things to become blockages and excuses for why I don't make art, for why I don't MAKE TIME to make art? Which leads into my 2nd thought....

2 - Am I actually using all of my potential as a creative person/artist? When I was teaching, I would have said NO - I tended to teach more than make art, but I guess that is creative too, just in a different way. But part of my unhappiness stemmed from the fact that I was NOT letting myself, or rather, MAKING the time to make art and be creative in a was that was fulfilling to me. I feel like I am finally trying to do that now, but am I my own worst skeptic? Am I sabotaging myself already? As I sit here, I always can think of a million other things that need to be done before I can let myself go make art. WHY? Again, this leads to my 3rd and last thought....

3 - The same friend who convinced me to work on this blog told me something else that was very important - I need to make art a PRIORITY in my life. Just like teaching was at one point (and may be again, who knows), just like it is to make dinner or make sure the errands get ran, just like it is to go to the gym, hang out with my fiance and friends, I need to decide what position ART has in my life. Is is going to take over the priority that teaching has held for the last 6 years? I think it should. I am starting grad school for my MFA in the fall and it is going to make a lot of changes to what I accept now as my artistic style, persona, and goals....if I DON'T give art the priority it deserves, then was the heck am I even doing this for? I'll never have really given this thing a healthy chance in that case. I need to put art first, even if it feels selfish (aaah, there's that word again). These types of opportunities don't come along that often. This is my new goal for the year. Whew.

PS - How long can I make these posts? HAHA! When do you get bored.....and not read.....

Hmmm........

I haven’t written on here in quite a while, and a good friend of mine has prompted me to relook at WHY I have a blog – and to make some USE of it! But I’ve been told I need to FOCUS and have a reason why I write and what people can expect to read and find here. So here I am, trying to figure that out….I’ve had a lot of time to myself the last few days to really look at where I am right now (so to speak, internally, not physically; but that, too, has bearing! I digress….) I am in Mexico, on a fishing/vacation trip with my boyfriend – strike that, with my fiancé – visiting with friends and reveling in some amazing turns that life has taken recently. I KNOW I don’t want to use my blog to simply talk about what’s going on with me…..but I think that what I have learned, discovered, and been through in this past year is really going to make an impact on whatever it is that I do end up writing. You can ask a few people around me, who have had to put up with me from day to day, and they will tell you I am not the same person I was last year. Yes, I am, outwardly, but due to the fact that one big physical thing happened to me and lots of really amazing, helpful, and supportive people happened to me after it, I think that inwardly I am a very different Rachel right now. I am surer of what I do and do NOT want; what ‘selfish’ really means; that guilt doesn’t have to factor into everything; that there are things I can and things that I cannot control, and the things that I cannot control need not rule my life; that there are people in my life who support me and people who don’t; that I truly know what unconditional love is on multiple fronts; that living in the present moment is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do; and that, for the first time in my life, I am actually excited about the fact that I have NO IDEA what will happen in the next 2, 5, 10 years...I WANT to leave the path as open as possible so that whatever happens to come along will only be an open door and not a ‘distraction’ from what it is that I think I ‘want to do’. I don’t think I ever would have said that 5 years ago.