Hmmm........

I haven’t written on here in quite a while, and a good friend of mine has prompted me to relook at WHY I have a blog – and to make some USE of it! But I’ve been told I need to FOCUS and have a reason why I write and what people can expect to read and find here. So here I am, trying to figure that out….I’ve had a lot of time to myself the last few days to really look at where I am right now (so to speak, internally, not physically; but that, too, has bearing! I digress….) I am in Mexico, on a fishing/vacation trip with my boyfriend – strike that, with my fiancé – visiting with friends and reveling in some amazing turns that life has taken recently. I KNOW I don’t want to use my blog to simply talk about what’s going on with me…..but I think that what I have learned, discovered, and been through in this past year is really going to make an impact on whatever it is that I do end up writing. You can ask a few people around me, who have had to put up with me from day to day, and they will tell you I am not the same person I was last year. Yes, I am, outwardly, but due to the fact that one big physical thing happened to me and lots of really amazing, helpful, and supportive people happened to me after it, I think that inwardly I am a very different Rachel right now. I am surer of what I do and do NOT want; what ‘selfish’ really means; that guilt doesn’t have to factor into everything; that there are things I can and things that I cannot control, and the things that I cannot control need not rule my life; that there are people in my life who support me and people who don’t; that I truly know what unconditional love is on multiple fronts; that living in the present moment is one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do; and that, for the first time in my life, I am actually excited about the fact that I have NO IDEA what will happen in the next 2, 5, 10 years...I WANT to leave the path as open as possible so that whatever happens to come along will only be an open door and not a ‘distraction’ from what it is that I think I ‘want to do’. I don’t think I ever would have said that 5 years ago.